An Assortment of Music and Sports Stars that me and my committee (friend) have decided we hate and are c*nts

Here are some more…..Wallop!

80. Ja-Rule
81. Jay-Z
82. So Solid Crew
83. Busted
84. Good Charlotte
85. Pink
86. McFly (just for not being an actual Back To The Future tribute band)
87. Chad Kroeger
88. Fred Durst
89. Kid Rock
90. The beautiful South
91. The lighthouse family
92. Dermot O’Leary
93. Bruno Brookes
94. Keith Chegwin
95. Noel Edmonds
96. Matthew Kelly
97. Mother Theresa (currently under appeal due to her impending martyrdom)
98. Princess Diana
99. Richard Gere
100. George W. Bush Junior
101. George W, Bush Senior (see above)
102. Greg Rusedski (canadian)
103. Tim Henman (waste of space)
104. Oxide, Neutrino, DJ luck etc (garage)
105. Everyone on BBC2’s My Wife And the Kids
106. Michael Winner
107. Yes Car credit adverts
108. Norwich Union “Quote Me Happy” adverts
109. Singing Black bank dude
110. Mariah Carey
111. Bobby Brown
112. John Fashanu
113. Whitney Houston
114. Stan Collymore
115. Ulrika Jonson
116. June Sarpong
117. Tess Daly
118. Dani Behr
119. Terry Christian
120. Toby Anstiss


These people are C*nts!

41. Simon Cowell
42. Her from Pop Idol (The massive one)
43. Chris evans
44. Danny Baker
45. Colin Farrell
46. Chris Moyles
47. The Slaters
48. Bollywood
49. Graham Norton
50. Des O’Connor
51. Craig David
52. Will young
53. Everyone involved with Ground Force
54. Courtney Love
55. Every woman who has ever appeared on ITV’s ‘Loose Women’
56. Jamie Theakston
57. Sadie Frost
58. Amanda Holden
59. Usher
60. Blue

And so are these!!

61. Liam Gallagher
62. Noel Gallagher
63. Meg Matthews
64. Avril Lavigne
65. All of her fans
66. Kevin Costner
67. Val Kilmer
68. The entire, cast and crew of ‘Two pints of Shit and a Packet of Cock’
69. The originator and writer of ‘Two shits of wank and crock of shit’
71 The Kumars.
72. Victoria Beckham
73. and the rest (Spice Girls)
74. Patrick Kielty
75. Catherine Zeta-jones
76. Zoe Ball
77. Fatboy Slim + Norman Cook
78. Everyone involved in Fame academy
79. The nameless cunt who took over from Roy Walker on ITV’s Catchphrase
80. Ja-Rule

“Ok so i’m feeling prolific” was the opening line of a song taken from the album, ‘Rabbi’s With Gun’s’ by Lesbian Prodigy, a pseudo-rockabilly-folk band from Daventry, and pretty much sums up how i’m feeling at the moment.

So much to write and so little time.

Firstly, for those of you waiting for the next instalment of ‘The Doctor’, you will be appeased very soon. its almost out of post-production (we had a problem with the flange gate on the streaming fissure). And hold on to your hats cos its a stonker.

Secondly, here’s the next twenty “people” who i would happily shoot if i had a license, a gun, and no sense of moral inhibition.

D.O.L.C.E. MMVI (Part 2)

21. Rik Waller
22. Peter Andre
23. Jim Davidson
24. Peter Stringfellow
25. Quentin crisp
26. All Big Brother contestants
27. Travis
28. Sean Paul
29. Shaggy
30. Justin Timberlake
31. Americans
32. Joel Schumacher (batman & robin, colin farrells career?!?!?)
33. The cunt who directed ‘The Hole’
34. France
35. The French
36. Ben Affleck
37. J-lo
38. Lisa ‘Left-eye’ Lopes (TLC)
39. the rest of TLC
40. Doctor Fox

Paradise Lost…….Intolerance Revisited (D.O.L.C.E MMVI)

The information contained within this site, may shock and disgust some of you, it may even offend, but it is an action that must be taken, especially in light of recent, cataclysmic events.

This is NOT a joke or offensive image that you can email to all your friends and workmates in a zealous frenzy of attachments. It is NOT an email showing a selection of Australians in drunken poses in front of amusing road signs. It is a burning issue that has not been addressed, in any shape or form up til now, and has been callously ignored up and down the corridors of power, all across Europe and North America, where the problem is most rife.

After reading the information detailed here, you will have entered into a mystical contract, binding you to the future and direction of its contents like a junkie’s search for their next fix. And in turn it will affect your daily lives, maybe indirectly at first, an off the cuff comment here and there, but soon you will find yourself shouting at strangers in the street, your friends, your family as you try to defend the cause you have taken to your heart in this time of struggle.

This is the point of no return…..>>>>>>>>If you choose to read past this point it could change your life…..>>>>>>>>so if you are afraid, turn back now….>>>>>>>>for you are entering the world of the D. O.L.C.E !!!!!!

Hello to all of you who have made it this far, you are indeed worthy enough to gaze on the unparalleled powers held by this mysterious document. As you have come this far it seems only fair to reveal the true meaning of this project…and some of the history of its origin….I put a question to each of you….have you ever in your life seen an advert, or a televisual programme that has left you feeling empty inside, with no question of reaction as all your powers of survival and instinct have drained slowly from your body leaving you in a state of psychosomatic paralysis? You try to speak…but there are no words to describe the emasculating fear, distress and anger you are experiencing….

This reaction has recently been identified, and we are told it is an innate psychological process that has been dormant in the human genetic structure for thousands of years, and has been known by many names, but has been dubbed, in more recent times, the Hitler-Gibson matrix.

It is the sudden but horrific realisation which occurs when the mind is forced to ignore the fact that life has dealt a hand of unbridled success to an absolute horror of an example of our race. Geri Halliwell, Alicia Duvall, Louis the XIVth, Anyone from Big Brother…all of these people have induced this reaction in people over the course of history. And in each time of darkness, when these injustices flood the land and saturate the civilised world until it seems there is NOTHING THAT ORDINARY PEOPLE, LIKE YOU AND ME, CAN DO TO STOP IT….


>>>>This is a list of the most, ungrateful, sickening, money-grabbing, brainless, undeserving, ignorant, self-important, witless, deluded, cunts in existence. many lists have been made like it (the Magna Carta has a secret history for example) and many more will be made, but all are as important as the next.

The Druids of the Champions of the Great Vessel have been compiling the current list secretly for some time, but their work is done, now it is your time to go forth and unearth the cunts of the world.

>>>>>>>>>>What follows is known as the D.O.L.C.E and is passed onto you all with a number of conditions:

1. you must NOT treat this as a normal bit of fun and just send it to everyone you know, it is still in the compilation stages.

2. your task, nay duty, is to seek out and assess any possible additions to the list, from friends, families, co-workers. copies of the list may, however, be used for reference purposes.

3. each addition must be seconded by someone and a full reasoning for their inclusion given.

4. choices personal to you (ie an old school bully, or ex-girlfriend) may not be included (although strong eloquent cases may be accepted), the list is specific to people who are inflicted on our lives on a regular basis.

5. before you begin you must familiarise yourself with the current list, although it is recommended you do this twenty five names at a time, as any more may cause blackouts (also known as cunt-holes) and unpredictable and violent behaviour (for example the man who drove a speedboat over Kirsty McColls head had just read two pages of an unoffical, leaked Dolce)

6. the list is NOT in order of merit , the ordering occurs at a later stage. and is only applied to the list after a certain stage of processing and data gathering has been completed.

7. This is one of many ongoing “versions” of the list, therefore some of the entries may be dated e.g the “celebrity” has left the public sphere, Rik Waller committing suicide by eating himself for example would not exempt him from inclusion (being dead does not exclude people from being cunts), but if say Richard Blackwood ended up sitting in a bedsit eating bonio in the dark cos he can’t pay his electricity bill, we might remove him from the list.

Ok….thats it……..i will publish the list in blocks of 20, so as not to cause any undue injury.


1. Robbie Williams
2. Mel Gibson
3. Richard Blackwood
4. Will Smith
5. Steve Penk
6. John Leslie
7. Darren Day
8. The cunt who replaced Les Dennis on Family Fortunes
9. Westlife
10. Danny from hearsay
11. The rest of hearsay
12. Jonathan Wilkes
13. Margaret Thatcher
14. Tom Jones
15. Anthea Turner
16. Celine Dion
17. Mick Hucknall
18. Paul Daniels
19. The Campbell Brothers from UB40
20. Geri Halliwell

If Monkeys had a nice Walnut Jam with a hint of Garlic……..

Bongiorno, Bienvenuto, bonsoir…..these are all very offensive ways of saying ‘i don’t like you’ in a foreign language. Either that or every country i’ve ever been to, i have managed to offend the locals FAR too easily. I tell you, you get caught short in ONE holy temple and all of a sudden the whole religion wants to sacrifice you in some way.

Well once again i have been travelling the country spreading the word (on this particular trip it was the word ‘meringue’) and i have come to the following conclusions:

  • The finest pickled eggs can ONLY be found in a plastic jars on fish shop counters. All others are cheap imitations.
  • Lesbians are surprisingly good at scrabble
  • The highest point in Wales is actually a Dogging hotspot, and despite the altitude, will become the lowest point in your life after a tryst with a girl called meredith.
  • The common grass snake is not poisonous, but can be trained to hiss the tune to ‘Atmosphere’ by Russ Abbott
  • A Camper Van is not an appropriate place for a Bar Mitzvah…..Oi Vey!
  • The Savoy Gentleman’s club in Knightsbridge is no longer ‘the most exclusive club in the world’. I formed a Bill Oddie Spotting club and didnt let ANYONE join, not even myself. I have applied to the Office of Trading and Fair Standards for The Savoy to remove this now defunct claim from all of their signs.
  • Height is not directly proportional to the ability to speak ‘like a giant’
  • Ice Hockey is actually an optical illusion. There is no ice, just a series of ‘tracks’ that the skaters can go up and down like that old kids game ‘World Cup Soccer’
  • The armenian race are the most likely to be related to fish rather than primates like the rest of us. they have a thick scaly skin and traces of now useless gills on their necks. Depending on the region you can often find an Armenian male lying in the shallows of a lake (they are freshwater) covered in grit and sand waiting for some unsuspecting invertebrate to swim past.

I thought that was quite a lot considering i didnt get past Happy Eater on the M46