A Barb In The Chest is Worth Two In The Bush……

Well i’m about halfway through publishing the current list of people that basically don’t deserve life, and consequently about halfway towards a court hearing.

I don’t mind…maybe i should be punished? I dont think so but then i would say that.

I think tis about time for a few rights to be verbally wronged (or is it the other way round?)

Firstly Steve Irwin is now the only dead Crocodile Hunter in the world. And by God! it wasnt a croc that killed him. No it was a different animals habitat he’d decided to invade this time and i’m pretty sure he had said animal in a pretty fierce headlock at the time.

Needless to say he is a one-off character that will be missed if only for killing half an hour on saturday afternoon when there’s nothing else on TV.

I hope his epitaph reads:

Steve Irwin R.I.P.

Stepped into enough snake dens and croc-infested habitats and pissed off enough animals in his time for this death to be even more ironic than thought possible…..even more ironic than if he’d been killed by a crocodile on a hunt. Crikey mate!”

or:

Steve Irwin R.I.P

My mate told me he used to fuck crocodiles and thats how he got them to behave…emotional blackmail. He just fuckin’ loved the Croc’s!”

Ok so thats Steve Irwin out the way (pardon the pun there) so i’ll move on to the next issues at hand in an ultra brief style:

1. David Beckham SHOULD have been axed he is confoundingly dumb man that brings no less than 40 extra photographers to each training session. He is therefore a c*nt. and we don’t need the current crop of players to be given any more encouragement in acting that way (they’re doing fine on their own)

2. Israel are wrong

3. America are wrong

4. Britain is Wrong

5. The whole damn system is wrong

6. Kudos to the big brother producers, for not only have they beaten charges of emotional abuse, negligent treatment and fixing a public lottery they have also unearthed the most sickeningly stupid and emotionally retarded couple to emerge from the smouldering cauldron of fuckwit-ism that is the big brother house. Pete & Nikki….He has tourettes so we should feel sorry for him…NO we should realise that his parents did not give him any boundaries when he was a child so he was out of control and therefore did not develop parts of his brain in a normal way so could not disconnect these abnormal associations he has made. Plus he acts like a prick.

And Nikki is a….in fact i dont have the words to describe quite how much i hate the child. She is a mongrel of the highest order. She cries if anything doesnt go her way, and has never tasted real life because if she did she’d get eaten alive. She has clearly grown up in some provincial town near Leeds or somewhere and her life revolved around getting her hair and nails done for a friday night where she would drink a bottle of wine and seventeen WKD’s before being sick and trying to get shafted by a bouncer up an alley somewhere. And she has been told all her life that she is a ‘princess’. When all that meant was that her parents turned a blind eye to the fact that she was a fucking slut and an idiot. I despise everything she stands for, she represents this coddled generation of people that think drinking heavily on friday nights and spending above and beyond your means (cause the wages at Carphone Warehouse aren’t great lets face it) is the only part of life and that is the only way to enjoy yourself. Getting as hammered as possible and treating every pub like another school disco, where some cheap tart will suck you off cos you can down a pint of Stella faster than your mate is not living it is hardly even existing.

‘Princess’ is just another term that represents the denial that most parents live in. That their Kids aren’t souless moneygrabbing little c*nts that have no concept of right or wrong cos they screwed up their job of parenting and left it to the fucking internet. For a modern version of a book on Parenthood just open the cover and find one page with the phrase “Go and look it up on Google….”. “Mum how are babies made…” “Oh i dont f*cking now i’m watchin Judge judy, go and ask Google”

Feeding your child Oven Chips every fucking night and then settling down to watch the X factor as a family is the real reason this country is fucked up. Is that progress??? IS IT???? is that what we have achieved.

Our country is now divided into the following groups:

  • People that watch Big Brother or the X factor
  • People that watch Lost and think they are better than the first group
  • People that tape both these shows and watch them on sunday with a hangover after ritualistically erasing their memories with alcohol the two nights before.
  • People with Money
  • People with not quite enough money to be in the previous group, but are basically stunned observers of the four previous groups.

Its all gone a bit Orwell……

Do you know who i think is a…….?

181. The England football band
182. Cilla Black
183. ‘Our’ Graham from Blind Date
184. David Copperfield
185. David Blaine
186. Rob Schneider
187. Bill Pullman (solely for his speech in Independence Day)
188. Bill pullman (for everything else)
189. Ewan Mcgregor
190. Dierdre Barlow’s Neck
191. Dierdre Barlow
192. Jodie Marsh
193. The entire cast and crew of Footballers Wives
194. Darius Danesh>>195. Daniella Westbrook
196. Michael Carroll (The Lotto Lout)
197. Changing Rooms’ Designers
198. ALL interior designers (contemporary my arse)
199. Samantha Fox
200. new presenters of Sooty
201. Scott Mills
202. Edith Bowman
203. Colin Murray
204. Bono
205. Jilly Goolden
206. Gary Rhodes
207. Delia Smith
208. The cast and crew of Titanic
209. Scooter
210. Paul Ross
211. Dominic Mohan (The Sun)
212. 3am Girls (the Sun)
213. Dr. Hilary Jones
214. Trisha
215. Oprah Winfrey
216. Vanessa Feltz
217. Welsh bands
218. Jeremy Guscott
219. Daniel Bedingfield
220. Ayia Napa (and everything it stands for)
221. Paris Hilton
222. Nicole Ritchie
223. Dale Winton
224. Demi Moore
225. Chris Martin
226. Gwyneth Paltrow
227. Cheeky Girls
228. Elton John (real name Reg Dwight)
229. Donatella Versace
230. Barry Manilow
231. David Essex
232. Janet Street-Porter
233. Ann Robinson
234. Tim Vincent
235. Yvette fielding
236. Mark Curry
237. Diane Louise-Jordan
238. Kriss Akabusi
239. The Mcgann Brothers
240. Johnathon Morris
241. Gary Lucy
242. Chesney Hawkes
243. Paula Yates
244. The Police
245. The British public
246. Leonardo DiCaprio
247. Gabrielle
248. Des’ree
249. Alanis Morrissette
250. Dave Courteney (mockney gangster)

I’m not finished yet……

121. Blue Peter Presenters
122. Colin Farrell, again
123. Russell Crowe
124. Prince Naseem
125.Jamie Oliver
126. All British Eurovision entrants (excluding Bucks Fizz, but including Cheryl Baker)
127. Jemini (see above)
128. Maureen Rees from Driving School
129. Dave “Dane” Bowers
130. The rest of Another Level
131. Organised religion (leaders and officials)
132. Every person that has ever written to Points OF View
133. Judge Jules
134. Religious extremists
135. Neil Morrissey
136. Coca-Cola
137. Locals
138. Gypsies
139. Hollyoaks
140. Liam Neeson
141. Star Wars I:The Phantom Menace
142. George Lucas (post phantom menace)
143. Sandra Bernhard
144. K.D lang
145. Alan Cummings (from the High Life)
146. Fran from Brat Camp
147. Sandra Bullock
148. Gail from Coronation St.
149. Bradley Walsh
150. Jim Davidson
151. Wolf from Gladiators
152. plus cast and crew and Cobra from Gladiators
153. Peter Stringfellow again
154. Paedophiles (Murdering)
155. Paedophiles (Grooming)
156. Cast, crew and viewers of Cadfael
157. The rest of UB40
158. Lady Victoria Hervey
159. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
160. Tamara Beckwith
161. British nobility (any lords and ladies still clinging to their land)
162. Michael Barrymore
163. Paul Mckenna
164. Uri Geller
165. Russel Grant
166. Jono Coleman
167. Brian Conley
168. Bobby Davro
169. Freddie Starr
170. Joe Pasquale
171. Tim Vine
172. Buckethead from Guns n Roses
173. Bon Jovi
174. Jon Bon Giovi
175. Bryan Adams
176. Curtis Stigers
177. Cher
178. ANyone who enjoys and drives an Xr2
179. Sarah Jessica Parker
180. Diana Ross (for her penalty miss)

Further C*nts….

>>81. Jay-Z
>>82. So Solid Crew
>>83. Busted
>>84. Good Charlotte
>>85. Pink
>>86. McFly (just for not being an actual Back To The Future tribute band)
>>87. Chad Kroeger (Lead singer of Nickelback)
>>88. Fred Durst (limp Bizkit)
>>89. Kid Rock
>>90. The Beautiful South
>>91. The lighthouse family
>>92. Dermot O’Leary
>>93. Bruno Brookes
>>94. Keith Chegwin
>>95. Noel Edmonds
>>96. Matthew Kelly
>>97. Mother Theresa (currently under appeal due to her impending martyrdom)
>>98. Princess Diana
>>99. Richard Gere
>>100. George W. Bush Junior
>>101. George W, Bush Senior (see above)
>>102. Greg Rusedski (canadian)
>>103. Tim Henman (waste)
>>104. Oxide, Neutrino, DJ luck etc (garage)
>>105. Everyone on BBC2’s My Wife And the Kids
>>106. Michael Winner
>>107. Yes Car credit adverts
>>108. Norwich Union “Quote Me Happy” adverts
>>109. Singing Black bank dude
>>110. Mariah Carey
>>111. Bobby Brown
>>112. John Fashanu
>>113. Whitney Houston
>>114. Stan Collymore
>>115. Ulrika Jonson
>>116. June Sarpong
>>117. Tess Daly
>>118. Dani Behr
>>119. Terry Christian
>>120. Toby Anstiss

More to follow……