A Barb In The Chest is Worth Two In The Bush……

Well i’m about halfway through publishing the current list of people that basically don’t deserve life, and consequently about halfway towards a court hearing.

I don’t mind…maybe i should be punished? I dont think so but then i would say that.

I think tis about time for a few rights to be verbally wronged (or is it the other way round?)

Firstly Steve Irwin is now the only dead Crocodile Hunter in the world. And by God! it wasnt a croc that killed him. No it was a different animals habitat he’d decided to invade this time and i’m pretty sure he had said animal in a pretty fierce headlock at the time.

Needless to say he is a one-off character that will be missed if only for killing half an hour on saturday afternoon when there’s nothing else on TV.

I hope his epitaph reads:

Steve Irwin R.I.P.

Stepped into enough snake dens and croc-infested habitats and pissed off enough animals in his time for this death to be even more ironic than thought possible…..even more ironic than if he’d been killed by a crocodile on a hunt. Crikey mate!”

or:

Steve Irwin R.I.P

My mate told me he used to fuck crocodiles and thats how he got them to behave…emotional blackmail. He just fuckin’ loved the Croc’s!”

Ok so thats Steve Irwin out the way (pardon the pun there) so i’ll move on to the next issues at hand in an ultra brief style:

1. David Beckham SHOULD have been axed he is confoundingly dumb man that brings no less than 40 extra photographers to each training session. He is therefore a c*nt. and we don’t need the current crop of players to be given any more encouragement in acting that way (they’re doing fine on their own)

2. Israel are wrong

3. America are wrong

4. Britain is Wrong

5. The whole damn system is wrong

6. Kudos to the big brother producers, for not only have they beaten charges of emotional abuse, negligent treatment and fixing a public lottery they have also unearthed the most sickeningly stupid and emotionally retarded couple to emerge from the smouldering cauldron of fuckwit-ism that is the big brother house. Pete & Nikki….He has tourettes so we should feel sorry for him…NO we should realise that his parents did not give him any boundaries when he was a child so he was out of control and therefore did not develop parts of his brain in a normal way so could not disconnect these abnormal associations he has made. Plus he acts like a prick.

And Nikki is a….in fact i dont have the words to describe quite how much i hate the child. She is a mongrel of the highest order. She cries if anything doesnt go her way, and has never tasted real life because if she did she’d get eaten alive. She has clearly grown up in some provincial town near Leeds or somewhere and her life revolved around getting her hair and nails done for a friday night where she would drink a bottle of wine and seventeen WKD’s before being sick and trying to get shafted by a bouncer up an alley somewhere. And she has been told all her life that she is a ‘princess’. When all that meant was that her parents turned a blind eye to the fact that she was a fucking slut and an idiot. I despise everything she stands for, she represents this coddled generation of people that think drinking heavily on friday nights and spending above and beyond your means (cause the wages at Carphone Warehouse aren’t great lets face it) is the only part of life and that is the only way to enjoy yourself. Getting as hammered as possible and treating every pub like another school disco, where some cheap tart will suck you off cos you can down a pint of Stella faster than your mate is not living it is hardly even existing.

‘Princess’ is just another term that represents the denial that most parents live in. That their Kids aren’t souless moneygrabbing little c*nts that have no concept of right or wrong cos they screwed up their job of parenting and left it to the fucking internet. For a modern version of a book on Parenthood just open the cover and find one page with the phrase “Go and look it up on Google….”. “Mum how are babies made…” “Oh i dont f*cking now i’m watchin Judge judy, go and ask Google”

Feeding your child Oven Chips every fucking night and then settling down to watch the X factor as a family is the real reason this country is fucked up. Is that progress??? IS IT???? is that what we have achieved.

Our country is now divided into the following groups:

  • People that watch Big Brother or the X factor
  • People that watch Lost and think they are better than the first group
  • People that tape both these shows and watch them on sunday with a hangover after ritualistically erasing their memories with alcohol the two nights before.
  • People with Money
  • People with not quite enough money to be in the previous group, but are basically stunned observers of the four previous groups.

Its all gone a bit Orwell……