The D.O.L.C.E 2011

The information contained within this site, may shock and disgust some of you, it may even offend, but it is an action that must be taken, especially in light of recent, cataclysmic events.

This is NOT a joke or offensive image that you can email to all your friends and workmates in a zealous frenzy of attachments. It is NOT an email showing a selection of Australians in drunken poses in front of amusing road signs. It is a burning issue that has not been addressed, in any shape or form up til now, and has been callously ignored up and down the corridors of power, all across Europe and North America, where the problem is most rife.

After reading the information detailed here, you will have entered into a mystical contract, binding you to the future and direction of its contents like a junkie’s search for their next fix. And in turn it will affect your daily lives, maybe indirectly at first, an off the cuff comment here and there, but soon you will find yourself shouting at strangers in the street, your friends, your family as you try to defend the cause you have taken to your heart in this time of struggle.

This is the point of no return…..>>>>>>>>If you choose to read past this point it could change your life…..>>>>>>>>so if you are afraid, turn back now….>>>>>>>>for you are entering the world of the D. O.L.C.E !!!!!!

Hello to all of you who have made it this far, you are indeed worthy enough to gaze on the unparalleled powers held by this mysterious document. As you have come this far it seems only fair to reveal the true meaning of this project…and some of the history of its origin….I put a question to each of you….have you ever in your life seen an advert, or a televisual programme that has left you feeling empty inside, with no question of reaction as all your powers of survival and instinct have drained slowly from your body leaving you in a state of psychosomatic paralysis? You try to speak…but there are no words to describe the emasculating fear, distress and anger you are experiencing….

This reaction has recently been identified, and we are told it is an innate psychological process that has been dormant in the human genetic structure for thousands of years, and has been known by many names, but has been dubbed, in more recent times, the Hitler-Gibson matrix.

It is the sudden but horrific realisation which occurs when the mind is forced to ignore the fact that life has dealt a hand of unbridled success to an absolute horror of an example of our race. Geri Halliwell, Alicia Duvall, Louis the XIVth, Anyone from Big Brother…all of these people have induced this reaction in people over the course of history. And in each time of darkness, when these injustices flood the land and saturate the civilised world until it seems there is NOTHING THAT ORDINARY PEOPLE, LIKE YOU AND ME, CAN DO TO STOP IT….


>>>>This is a list of the most, ungrateful, sickening, money-grabbing, brainless, undeserving, ignorant, self-important, witless, deluded, cunts in existence. many lists have been made like it (the Magna Carta has a secret history for example) and many more will be made, but all are as important as the next.

The Druids of the Champions of the Great Vessel have been compiling the current list secretly for some time, but their work is done, now it is your time to go forth and unearth the cunts of the world.

>>>>>>>>>>What follows is known as the D.O.L.C.E and is passed onto you all with a number of conditions:

1. you must NOT treat this as a normal bit of fun and just send it to everyone you know, it is still in the compilation stages.

2. your task, nay duty, is to seek out and assess any possible additions to the list, from friends, families, co-workers. copies of the list may, however, be used for reference purposes.

3. each addition must be seconded by someone and a full reasoning for their inclusion given.

4. choices personal to you (ie an old school bully, or ex-girlfriend) may not be included (although strong eloquent cases may be accepted), the list is specific to people who are inflicted on our lives on a regular basis.

5. before you begin you must familiarise yourself with the current list, although it is recommended you do this twenty five names at a time, as any more may cause blackouts (also known as cunt-holes) and unpredictable and violent behaviour (for example the man who drove a speedboat over Kirsty McColls head had just read two pages of an unoffical, leaked Dolce)

6. the list is NOT in order of merit , the ordering occurs at a later stage. and is only applied to the list after a certain stage of processing and data gathering has been completed.

7. This is one of many ongoing “versions” of the list, therefore some of the entries may be dated e.g the “celebrity” has left the public sphere, Rik Waller committing suicide by eating himself for example would not exempt him from inclusion (being dead does not exclude people from being cunts), but if say Richard Blackwood ended up sitting in a bedsit eating bonio in the dark cos he can’t pay his electricity bill, we might remove him from the list.

Ok….thats it……..i will publish the list in blocks of 20, so as not to cause any undue injury.


>>The D.O.L.C.E (MMIV)



>>1. Robbie Williams
>>2. Mel Gibson
>>3. Richard Blackwood
>>4. Will Smith
>>5. Steve Penk
>>6. John Leslie
>>7. Darren Day
>>8. The cunt who replaced Les Dennis on Family Fortunes
>>9. Westlife
>>10. Danny from hearsay
>>11. The rest of hearsay
>>12. Jonathan Wilkes
>>13. Margaret Thatcher
>>14. Tom Jones
>>15. Anthea Turner
>>16. Celine Dion
>>17. Mick Hucknall
>>18. Paul Daniels
>>19. The Campbell Brothers from UB40
>>20. Geri Halliwell
>>21. Rik Waller
>>22. Peter Andre
>>23. Jim Davidson
>>24. Peter Stringfellow
>>25. Quentin crisp
>>26. All Big Brother contestants
>>27. Travis
>>28. Sean Paul
>>29. Shaggy
>>30. Justin Timberlake
>>31. Americans
>>32. Joel Schumacher (batman & robin, colin farrells career?!?!?)
>>33. The cunt who directed ‘The Hole’
>>34. France
>>35. The French
>>36. Ben Affleck
>>37. J-lo
>>38. Lisa ‘Left-eye’ Lopes (TLC)
>>39. the rest of TLC
>>40. Doctor Fox
>>41. Simon Cowell
>>42. Her from Pop Idol (The massive one)
>>43. Chris evans
>>44. Danny Baker
>>45. Colin Farrell
>>46. Chris Moyles
>>47. The Slaters
>>48. Bollywood
>>49. Graham Norton
>>50. Des O’Connor
>>51. Craig David
>>52. Will young
>>53. Everyone involved with Ground Force
>>54. Courtney Love
>>55. Every woman who has ever appeared on ITV’s ‘Loose Women’
>>56. Jamie Theakston
>>57. Sadie Frost
>>58. Amanda Holden
>>59. Usher
>>60. Blue (sorry Buck!)
>>61. Liam Gallagher
>>62. Noel Gallagher
>>63. Meg Matthews
>>64. Avril Lavigne
>>65. All of her fans
>>66. Kevin Costner
>>67. Val Kilmer
>>68. The entire, cast and crew of ‘Two pints of Shit and a Packet of Cock’
>>69. The originator and writer of ‘Two shits of wank and crock of shit’
>>70. TARRANT!
>>71 The Kumars.
>>72. Victoria Beckham
>>73. and the rest (Spice Girls)
>>74. Patrick Kielty
>>75. Catherine Zeta-jones
>>76. Zoe Ball
>>77. Fatboy Slim + Norman Cook
>>78. Everyone involved in Fame academy
>>79. The nameless cunt who took over from Roy Walker on ITV’s Catchphrase
>>80. Ja-Rule
>>81. Jay-Z
>>82. So Solid Crew
>>83. Busted
>>84. Good Charlotte
>>85. Pink
>>86. McFly (just for not being an actual Back To The Future tribute band)
>>87. Chad Kroeger (Lead singer of Nickelback)
>>88. Fred Durst (limp Bizkit)
>>89. Kid Rock
>>90. The Beautiful South
>>91. The lighthouse family
>>92. Dermot O’Leary
>>93. Bruno Brookes
>>94. Keith Chegwin
>>95. Noel Edmonds
>>96. Matthew Kelly
>>97. Mother Theresa (currently under appeal due to her impending martyrdom)
>>98. Princess Diana
>>99. Richard Gere
>>100. George W. Bush Junior
>>101. George W, Bush Senior (see above)
>>102. Greg Rusedski (canadian)
>>103. Tim Henman (waste)
>>104. Oxide, Neutrino, DJ luck etc (garage)
>>105. Everyone on BBC2’s My Wife And the Kids
>>106. Michael Winner
>>107. Yes Car credit adverts
>>108. Norwich Union “Quote Me Happy” adverts
>>109. Singing Black bank dude
>>110. Mariah Carey
>>111. Bobby Brown
>>112. John Fashanu
>>113. Whitney Houston
>>114. Stan Collymore
>>115. Ulrika Jonson
>>116. June Sarpong
>>117. Tess Daly
>>118. Dani Behr
>>119. Terry Christian
>>120. Toby Anstiss
>>121. Blue Peter Presenters
>>122. Colin Farrell, again
>>123. Russell Crowe
>>124. Prince Naseem
>>125.Jamie Oliver
>>126. All British Eurovision entrants (excluding Bucks Fizz, but including Cheryl Baker)
>>127. Jemini (see above)
>>128. Maureen Rees from Driving School
>>129. Dave “Dane” Bowers
>>130. The rest of Another Level
>>131. Organised religion (leaders and officials)
>>132. Every person that has ever written to Points OF View
>>133. Judge Jules
>>134. Religious extremists
>>135. Neil Morrissey
>>136. Coca-Cola
>>137. Locals
>>138. Gypsies
>>139. Hollyoaks
>>140. Liam Neeson
>>141. Star Wars I:The Phantom Menace
>>142. George Lucas (post phantom menace)
>>143. Sandra Bernhard
>>144. K.D lang
>>145. Alan Cummings (from the High Life)
>>146. Fran from Brat Camp
>>147. Sandra Bullock
>>148. Gail from Coronation St.
>>149. Bradley Walsh
>>150. Jim Davidson
>>151. Wolf from Gladiators
>>152. plus cast and crew and Cobra from Gladiators
>>153. Peter Stringfellow again
>>154. Paedophiles (Murdering)
>>155. Paedophiles (Grooming)
>>156. Cast, crew and viewers of Cadfael
>>157. The rest of UB40
>>158. Lady Victoria Hervey
>>159. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
>>160. Tamara Beckwith
>>161. British nobility (any lords and ladies still clinging to their land)
>>162. Michael Barrymore
>>163. Paul Mckenna
>>164. Uri Geller
>>165. Russel Grant
>>166. Jono Coleman
>>167. Brian Conley
>>168. Bobby Davro
>>169. Freddie Starr
>>170. Joe Pasquale
>>171. Tim Vine
>>172. Buckethead from Guns n Roses
>>173. Bon Jovi
>>174. Jon Bon Giovi
>>175. Bryan Adams
>>176. Curtis Stigers
>>177. Cher
>>178. Anyone who enjoys and drives an Xr2
>>179. Sarah Jessica Parker
>>180. Diana Ross
>>181. The England football band
>>182. Cilla Black
>>183. ‘Our’ Graham from Blind Date
>>184. David Copperfield
>>185. David Blaine
>>186. Rob Schneider
>>187. Bill Pullman (solely for his speech in Independence Day)
>>188. Bill pullman (for everything else)
>>189. Ewan Mcgregor
>>190. Dierdre Barlow’s Neck
>>191. Dierdre Barlow
>>192. Jodie Marsh
>>193. The entire cast and crew of Footballers Wives
>>194. Darius Danesh
>>195. Daniella Westbrook
>>196. Michael Carroll (The Lotto Lout)
>>197. Changing Rooms’ Designers
>>198. ALL interior designers (contemporary my arse)
>>199. Samantha Fox
>>200. new presenters of Sooty
>>201. Scott Mills
>>202. Edith Bowman
>>203. Colin Murray
>>204. Bono
>>205. Jilly Goolden
>>206. Gary Rhodes
>>207. Delia Smith
>>208. The cast and crew of Titanic
>>209. Scooter
>>210. Paul Ross
>>211. Dominic Mohan (The Sun)
>>212. 3am Girls (the Sun)
>>213. Dr. Hilary Jones
>>214. Trisha
>>215. Oprah Winfrey
>>216. Vanessa Feltz
>>217. Welsh bands
>>218. Jeremy Guscott
>>219. Daniel Bedingfield
>>220. Ayia Napa (and everything it stands for)
>>221. Paris Hilton
>>222. Nicole Ritchie
>>223. Dale Winton
>>224. Demi Moore
>>225. Chris Martin
>>226. Gwyneth Paltrow
>>227. Cheeky Girls
>>228. Elton John (real name Reg Dwight)
>>229. Donatella Versace
>>230. Barry Manilow
>>231. David Essex
>>232. Janet Street-Porter
>>233. Ann Robinson
>>234. Tim Vincent
>>235. Yvette fielding
>>236. Mark Curry
>>237. Diane Louise-Jordan
>>238. Kriss Akabusi
>>239. The Mcgann Brothers
>>240. Johnathon Morris
>>241. Gary Lucy
>>242. Chesney Hawkes
>>243. Paula Yates
>>244. The Police
>>245. The British public
>>246. Leonardo DiCaprio
>>247. Gabrielle
>>248. Des’ree
>>249. Alanis Morrissette
>>250. Dave Courteney (mockney gangster)
>>251. Prince Charles
>>252. Camilla Parker Bowles
>>253. Ricky Martin
>>254. Judge Judy
>>255. Adam Rickitts
>>256. Dean Gaffney
>>257. Latoya Jackson
>>258. Clare Rayner
>>259. Claire Sweeney
>>260. Venus Williams
>>261. Serena williams
>>262. Their Dad
>>263. Anyone who has ever been involved in the Salon
>>264. Tu-pac
>>265. Carol Vorderman
>>266. Jo Brand
>>267. Germaine Greer (Yeah!)
>>268. Ronan Keating
>>269. Hannah Martin (neighbours)
>>270. Liz Mcdonald (Corrie)
>>271. Jim McDonald (Corrie)
>>272. Victoria Wood
>>273. Fat Guy in Pie in the Sky
>>274. Jimmy Cricket
>>275. Roy Chubby Brown
>>276. Bernard Manning
>>277. Him from Aqua
>>278. The man who rapped on ‘Mysterious Girl’
>>279. Dom Joly
>>280. Ally McBeal
>>281. Roseanne Barr
>>282. The little girl, Olivia, from The Cosby Show
>>283. The Jogger from Direct Loan adverts
>>284. Rupert Young (will’s brother)
>>285. The Ferreiras
>>286. Alastair MCGowan
>>287. Jay Leno
>>288. The Cast and crew of ‘The Fast and The Furious’
>>289. The Cast and crew of ‘ The Passion Of The Christ’
>>290. The Cast and crew of Birds of a Feather
>>291. The entire current arsenal squad
>>292. Arsene Wenger
>>293. Sir Alex Ferguson
>>294. The Scottish pair form ‘Trading Up’
>>295. Sarah Phelps (Eastenders writer)
>>296. Ming Ho (as above)
>>297. Mandy (from Hollyoaks)
>>298. THe gay one, Nick (from Hollyoaks)
>>299. The French again (including students, barmen and rugby players)
>>300. The Daily Mail.
>>301. Robert Kilroy-Silk
>>302. Michael Jackson
>>303. Gary Glitter
>>304. Ken Dodd
>>305. John Virgo
>>306. Pat Sharpe
>>307. Gaz Top
>>308. All Bouncers and doormen
>>309. Summer (Neighbours)
>>310. creators of the Fast-food rockers
>>311. The Fast Food rockers
>>312. H from Steps
>>313. The rest of Steps
>>314. Dancers
>>315. Michael Thatcher
>>316. Richard Branson
>>317. The little sh1t off the Frosties advert
>>318. Anybody who works in advertising
>>319. Anybody who is related to anybody who works in advertising
>>320. And their pets
>>321. Walt Disney (with dissent)
>>322. Kelly Osborne (she’s NOT a fucking style guru!!!! She looks like a fat retarded clown in fancy dress)
>>323. The rest of the Osbornes
>>324. Heather Mills McCartney
>>325. Richard Littlejohn
>>326. Melanie Phillips
>>327. Tom Cruise (NOT Katie Holmes…the poor girl)
>>328. All Scientologists
>>329. Buddha (smug b8st8rd)
>>330. Rumsfeld
>>331. Cheney
>>332. William Roache (Ken Barlow)
>>333. Barbara Windsor (Giggling, Bra-flinging, One-titted imbecile)
>>334. Clowns
>>335. Ashley Cole
>>336. All evangelists
>>337. Ben Thatcher
>>338. Russell Brand
>>339. Bullet for my Valentine (band)
>>340 Fall out boy
>>341. The Wayans Brothers
>>342. ALL the Wayans Brothers films
>>343. Jason Statham
>>344. ALL Jason Stathams solo action films (ie all but Snatch & Lock Stock)
>>345. Mariah Carey
>>346. Bev & Kev from that advert
>>347. Kelly Jones from Stereophonics
>>348. How clean is your house women
>>349 Supernanny
>>350. Sven Goran Erikkson
>>351. Andy Murray
>>352. Robert Mugabe
>>353. Jacob Zuma
>>354. Nestle
>>355. All feature writers for the guardian except Charlie Brooker
>>356. Cristiano Ronaldo
>>357. David James
>>358. Robbie Savage
>>359. Craig Bellamy
>>360. Paul Dickov
>>361. Peter Kenyon
>>362. Jade Goody
>>363. Nikki (Big Bother)
>>364. Charlotte Church
>>365. Britney Spears
>>366. Christina Aguilera
>>367. The entire cast and crew of ‘Grease’ and ‘Grease 2’
>>368. The entire cast and crew of ‘Grease the musical’
>>369. Anyone who likes Grease
>>370. MK Dons
>>371. MK Dons Fans
>>372. All members of the FA.
>>373. Sepp Blatter
>>374. Lennart Johansson
>>375. Craig Allardyce

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